I’ve been pondering what perfectionism is at its core, and how it relates to trauma. Perfectionism is defined as one’s “need for personal flawlessness that is accompanied by self-criticism imposed by unrealistic standards.” In addition to a desire to “get it right,” I understand perfectionism as a protective response to feelings associated with trauma, including shame.

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I often hear from friends and clients that parenting in America can be a very lonely experience, as the emphasis is placed on individualism versus leaning on and developing community support in child rearing. This increases pressure on parents to be everything for their children, leading to burnout and inconsistencies. From a family systems perspective, the emphasis on a child’s development is placed on the caregiver and larger family unit to help shape a child’s sense of self, so what happens if caregivers are unavailable or limited in some capacity?

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